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Probably justification that lying on CV's is not always a bad thing!

Just seen this beauty on the net.  

Remembering the pain of writing CV's. If you can see the errors  here, you are a  superior being!

1.  ACHIEVEMENTS  – “I came first in the school long distance race”

2.  HOBBIES – “Horse rideing,like going pub when havent got my kids.looking after kids and doing stuff with them when they anit at school.”

3.  EMAIL ADDRESS – Lazysod@……

4.  ACHIEVEMENTS – “Being sober”

5.  ABOUT ME – “My favourite colour is Toupe, cos it rhymes with Dope”

6.  REASON FOR LEAVING – “It was hard work”

7.  PERSONAL PROFILE – “I be no stranger to double-entry. I loves numbers, and my wife and I loves journals and ledgers! Can also do tricky sums when I puts my mind to it. Computor litrate.”

8.  COVERING LETTER – “This is my CV I am intrested in any job opening use have avaiable if u could please send a vercation that you reciceved the email”

9.  PERSONAL PROFILE – “I do have convictions (drug offences) which are spent some 30 years ago for when I was 16-18 and have a caution for 4 years ago for criminal damage”

10.  HOBBIES – “Marital Arts” (Possibly meant martial arts?)

11.  KEY SKILLS – “Perfectionist with a keen I for details.”

12.  HOBBIES – “Space Travel”

13.  EMAIL ADDRESS – Batfacedgirl@………..

14.  EMPLOYMENT HISTORY –  “Whilst working in this role, I had intercourse with a variety of people”

15.  HOBBIES – “i like playing sport, which i fined gives me a winning appitite for life’”

16.  KEY SKILLS: “I would like to assure you that I am a hardly working person.”

17.  HOBBIES “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians”

18.  JOB HISTORY – “Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse”

19.  SKILLS – “Fantastic ability in multi-tasting.”

20.  SIZE OF EMPLOYER: “Very tall, probably over 6’5″.”

21.  SKILLS – “Speak English and Spinach.”

22.  STRENGTHS – “Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.”

23.  SKILLS – “I have technical skills that will simply take your breath away.”

24.  MARITAL STATUS:– “Celibate”

25.  SKILLS – From an IT Engineer, “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”

26.  EMAIL ADDRESS – hotsexyluv@…….

27.  KEYS SKILLS – keeping family home clean, tidy and hygienaic undertaking basic DIY.operating domestic taskslike cleaning,washing,cooking.dealing with emerengencies smoothly.dealing with health issues,superivsing,supporting,guiding and organising children.

28.  CV GAP – Candidate explained his gap in employment by saying it was because he was getting over the death of his cat for 3 months!

29.  KEY SKILLS – “But wait…there’s more. You get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature.”

30.  PRINTED CV – Candidate sent over their CV printed on the back of their current employers headed company paper

31.  SKILLS“I can type without looking at thekeyboard.”

32.  JOB HISTORY – “Left last four jobs only because the managers were completely unreasonable”

33.  SKILLS – “I am a rabid typist”

34.  HOBBIES – “My interests include cooking dogs and interesting people”

35.  COVERING LETTER – “I am extremely loyal to my current employer….Feel free to ring my office if you are interested in my CV”

36.  KEY ACHIEVEMENTS – “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

37.  EDUCATION – “I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success.”

38.  HOBBIES: “donating blood – 12 litres so far.”

39.  KEY SKILLS: “Quick lerner, good at mats amd speling”

40.  KEY ACHIEVEMENTS – “Oversight of entire department.”

41.  EDUCATION –  “University: August 1890 to May 1993”

42.  WORK EXPERIENCE –“ I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer”

43.  EMAIL ADDRESS – homeboy@……

44.  KEY SKILLS “I have extensive experience with foreign accents.”

45.  QUALIFICATIONS – “Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”

46.  COVER LETTER – “Please disregard the attached CV; it’s totally outdated”

47.  REASON FOR LEAVING – “After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work.”

48.  KEY SKILLS – “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

49.  WORK EXPERIENCE – “Night stalker in Tesco”

50.  HOBBIES – “painting my toenails in varying colours”

 

- See more at: http://www.responsewebrecruitment.co.uk/blog/100-funniest-things-weve-read-in-a-cv/#sthash.GhexQYIo.dpuf


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